How should I talk to my child about overweight?

What does research say?

Research is consistent and clear: parents' comments about weight ("you have gained weight", "you should eat less", "you are fat") increase the risk of:

• Eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder)
• Binge eating and secretive eating habits
• Low self-esteem and body dissatisfaction
• An impaired parent-child relationship

What helps, on the other hand — without causing harm — are conversations about health: how the family eats, sleeps, moves and feels together. These are the conversations that actually influence the child's long-term health.

Concrete principles

1. Talk about health, not about weight or the body. "We need to sleep more in this family" is a good conversation. "You need to lose weight" is not.

2. Direct the change at the whole family. The child should not be given a special diet or special rules. The whole family eats the same food, shares the same routines and is active together. Otherwise, the child becomes "the one with the problem", which is harmful.

3. Never say that the child is "fat", "big", "heavy" or "a bit chubby". Not even as an excuse, a joke or a comparison. Nor about yourself or other family members — children absorb how you talk about bodies in general.

4. Do not comment on what the child eats. Do not say "have you really eaten all of that?", "that is enough now" or "take a bit less". Offer regular meals and let the child regulate how much they eat themselves.

5. Do not say that you "are going to start eating healthier to lose weight". Instead, say: "We want the whole family to have more energy, sleep better and feel good. We are going to eat dinner together every day and drink water on weekdays."

If the child brings up their weight themselves

If the child says "I'm fat" or "I want to lose weight":

• Listen without confirming or dismissing. Say "tell me more — how are you feeling?" rather than "no, you aren't" or "well, maybe a bit".
• Validate the feeling, not the statement. "I understand that feels difficult."
• Shift the focus from the body to well-being. "What would make you feel better in your body?"
• Seek help if the child expresses persistent body dissatisfaction, restrictive eating or binge eating. BVC (child health centre), elevhälsan (school health services), vårdcentralen (primary care centre) or BUP (child and adolescent mental health services) can help.

If school health services or BVC have said the child's weight is high

Do not share details with the child about isoBMI values, growth charts or diagnoses. Instead, say that "we as a family are going to try to eat dinner together more often and move more" — and carry this out without linking it to the child's weight. See what to do when school health services raise concerns about overweight for concrete next steps.

What you should actually talk about — and do

• How cooking food together tastes.
• Which physical activities the child finds most enjoyable.
• How the family can sleep better.
• How to make weekends less sedentary.

It is these conversations — and shared habits — that influence the child's health over time. Not conversations about weight.

When you need external support

You do not have to find all the answers yourself. If conversations at home feel difficult, the child continues to feel unhappy about their body, or you are worried about the child's health, you can ask for professional support. It is not a failure — and a difficult conversation in itself does not mean the child has a diagnosis.

BVC for younger children, elevhälsan for school-age children, or vårdcentralen can be a first point of contact. Describe how the child is feeling and what you need help with, not just weight or eating habits. In the case of persistent body dissatisfaction, restrictive eating or binge eating, it is important to seek help and not wait for conversations at home to resolve the situation.

Read when and how to seek healthcare for your child for guidance on where you can turn and what to expect from an initial visit.

Related questions

• What should I do if my child is overweight?Is your child overweight? How it is assessed and which practical steps help most families.
• What counts as overweight in children?Overweight in children corresponds to an iso-BMI of 25–30 — how it is assessed and when small changes are enough.
• Elevhälsan has called us in about my child's weight — what now?The school nurse has called you in — now what? Here is what the consultation looks like and how to talk to your child about it.

See all questions and answers →